March 2010
1 post
December 2009
1 post
thank you. thank you for another day. thank you for another day of loneliness. thank you for another day of grief. thank you for another day of solitude. thank you for another day of sadness.
so yes, thank you. thank you for another day of misery.
thanks a lot.
September 2009
14 posts
Die.
People who are so inconsiderate should die. They’re selfish and so they’re inconsiderate. They should just save themselves the trouble and quit whatever they are doing. Seriously. They’re delaying everything. They’re making everything harder for everyone. Contrary to what they believe, nobody wants them there. So just man up and quit. Or better yet DIE.
run faster. don't stop.
You chase it.
It flew farther –
away from you.
away from the held out hands.
away from the shouted names.
Chase it.
Run faster.
Run after it.
It wouldn’t be back if you let it go.
You can’t lose it now.
Not when you can still chase it.
Not when you can still run.
Not when you know you need it.
Not when you know you can’t bear to see it leave.
Don’t stop.
No! You...
shut up and swallow your pride
“just swallow it” my mind said. but i can’t seem to do that. it’s not that easy. i did my part. i tried to fix it. but he doesn’t care. so screw it. i’m not gonna chase him forever. if he doesn’t want my apology then fine. it’s both our loss. but at least i know i lost something cause i tried.
“tried.. but not hard enough” my mind...
The Girl Who Thought Cabs Fly
She tilted her head up then laughed. It certainly didn’t sound like air playing gently with chimes. It sounded like a laugh you want to laugh with. Or laugh at. She was walking alone one sunny morning- a first for almost two straight weeks of rain. The sun beating down on her skin and her laugh filling the summer air with bubbles of joy. She twirled around once and laughed once again. She...
Are you afraid? Cause I hella am.
Everyone is afraid of something. Whoever says they’re not afraid is actually afraid of being called weak. I, honestly, am afraid of a lot of things.
I am afraid of flying cockroaches.
I am afraid of ghosts.
I am afraid of being alone.
I am afraid of dying alone.
I am afraid of commitment.
I am afraid of losing you.
I am afraid of falling for you.
And now, I am afraid that I might...
it's relative, you see?
i got issues, you see?
i am vague
odd
and proud.
i am vulnerable but vindicated.
i am sad and needy.
i am complicated…i got issues…you see?
so don’t say you can stay because i doubt you can handle…me.
it’s ok…it’s ok to turn away.
that’s better.
you’re safer that way.
if only i had the heart i could have faked it for you…
i...
used up
I’m tired of being used. Slash, I hate “user –friendly” people. How thick can they get? They would use you up until you can no longer help them, then they throw you aside. They don’t exist when you need them yet, you are always there when they need you. Too thick – skinned. Too thick – skinned to be understood.
They happen to be anywhere. They are the ones who contact you when they need someone...
Relax
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Everything will be okay.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Everything will be okay.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Everything will be okay.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
WHO THE HELL AM I KIDDING?
EVERYTHING WILL BE WON’T BE OKAY.
(i just hope it would be that easy to turn everything up right.)
Deal with it
The steps appeared more welcoming. With the paved road that in front of it, the lamp – lit path that leads to it, the few people that stayed on it. I sat and stared. It was the perfect time to go over everything. What happened this day?
I woke up late, traveled, walked, bumped into someone, met haggard people, talked, walked to class, stayed somewhere, walked to class again, partnered up with a...
I'll Get Back To You On That One
Constantly having stomachaches. But I don’t want to tell anyone. They might bring me to see a doctor. Then the doctor will say. “What the hell were you thinking when you drank all of those cups of coffee? NO COFFEE FOREVER!” Then like that happiness, moments of happiness will be gone.
Sometimes I see you look at me. But I pretend to not to notice. I pretend that I don’t...
not here.
there’s a world of shiny people SOMEWHERE ELSE
…i searched the world map in hope of finding SOMEWHERE ELSE
none.
so i checked the dictionary
SOMEWHERE ELSE (n): anywhere but where you are.
anywhere but here.
there must be a lot of happy people where you are, unless you’re next to me.
i say no to lonely
I stare at the road a moment longer. I’m waiting for something, I think. There’s something missing. I’m hiding from that something. I only seem to wait, but I really don’t. I just don’t want to move. I don’t want to walk a bit further cause hey, I’m beat. I just stare until someone pushes me forward. Or someone reminds me that I love what I’m doing....
a smile for him
You don’t even know how to endure everything he’d gone through. You smile, he smiles. You weep, he smiles.
He has to smile - that cruel, pathetic smile. He has to endure those you can’t. You turn to him every now and then. You forget about him every now and then. Yet, he remains – smiling, hoping that one day, you won’t forget he exists.
But there you are smiling at someone else – forgetting once...
August 2009
16 posts
I am what I want.
I am jealous. I am jealous of the people who can write. I am jealous of the people who can write naturally. I am jealous of the people who can write naturally without even thinking.
I want to be able to write. I want to be able to write like those people. I want to be able to write like those people I am jealous of. I want to be able to write like those people I am jealous of so I can...
no. you don't. and it hurts big time.
Yes, I hate not being able to sleep. Yes, I love coffee. Yes, I need time. Yes, I wish for happiness. Yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I am not over you. Yes, I tell lies. Yes, I am in denial. Yes, I can’t move on. Yes, I am jealous. Yes, I miss you so bad. Yes, I’m wishing it would be me. Yes, I do not like her at all. Yes, I am still in love with you. and… No, you are...
i'll stop running. later. maybe.
i grew up watching tom want jerry for his meal. tom will do anything just to put salt and pepper on jerry. they would run around until the entire household was in shambles. funny. it felt like i was watching an action movie.
but tom never won. never…not once in my entire childhood of watching stupid thomas ‘tom’ cat and jerry mouse. how stupid of tom and how stupid of me of...
xyx
X: just pretend we never got to meet.
Y: is that what you really want?
X: yeah. I think it would be good for now.
Y: you do know that I don’t want that.
X: I don’t really know. And I don’t really care.
Y: okay.
X: …
Y: …
X: I don’t want you bothering me, so can you delete it now?
Y: I already did.
He longed to talk to her.
She longed to be away from him.
or should it be…
X: just...
Peter Pan.
When I was a kid, I was jealous of all the grown-ups. I always thought they had all the fun. They could stay up all night, go out without a chaperon, wear any outfit, buy anything they want. No one dictates to them what food to eat, what time to sleep, what clothes to wear, what words to say. They had all the freedom in the world and I badly wanted to grow up.
But now that I’m not a kid...
Throw it. Catch it. Want it.
All the days, weeks, and months – you counted each moment. You waited. It wasn’t true to its promise of never leaving you. In the end, it also vanished. Gone - gone even if it swore it wouldn’t.
It’s like any other toy you had. You only liked it because it made you feel good – you felt accompanied, wanted, praised. But as time passed, you grew up. You didn’t need such comfort anymore. You...
hope comes in red not green.
i need a red light. a light preceeded by a slow down before a hault. i need that. my entire world is rushing with speeding wheels and egos. i can’t turn a single sound off. i need a drastic brake. a break! how smart. whoever invented these car and traffic terms must have had a life as complex as mine.
traffic jams are nice afterall. they don’t merely give you time to suffer the...
the only difference between me and a hollow block...
i am hollow, cold and fragile. i constrict spaces with walls yet i can’t put myself together without adhesive. i stand firm yet i can’t stand high alone.
the rain poured hard and stopped.
the traffic jam moved inch by inch till i get here.
the song stopped and changed to another.
the sun got tired of shining brightly.
…but the hollowness remains unfilled.
i am just as cold...
Yestershows
Fear the dark. What’s lurking in its nothingness. Fear certainty. There’ll be no room to grow. Fear limits. You have to decide whether you conform or not. Fear me. You don’t know what i can do.
Love the sun. Its warmth and glow and comfort. Love the rain. It freshens things up. Love journals. You can still write. Love me. I’m just here waiting.
Miss yesterdays....
curtains closing
you dont know what happens backstage. don’t judge me. i do shit there. ask around, i do. and if you still think i don’t then whatever. i know deep down inside, i contribute. i help. i do shit. if you still can’t see that, then screw you. count me out.
back to zero
Having to start over…
It’s something you wouldn’t want to happen. Everything was put to waste, your effort wasn’t appreciated and you have to redo everything. You might have better results after starting again from crap, but the fact still remains – you didn’t do well.
You try to comfort yourself. You tell yourself you wouldn’t crack…but all in vain. You crack. You cry. You break down.
But...
don't plan for real
You used to know everything you want. But everything turned against what you planned so you decided to change everything – everything you want, you hate, you don’t care about. What was planned remained a plan – something tentative and unimportant.
You try to cheer yourself up. You’d succeed only for a fleeting moment, and then you’ll fall back to reality – to everything you wish you could...
Gamble with coins not bills
gone are the days of nonchalance. the day i started faking it is the day it started to matter. i’m losing my remoteness and apathy. i’m losing my insensitivity. everyday. everyday, things start to matter more. i feel emptier whenever i lose. i expect more whenever i get. it’s the cycle i can’t beat and it’s getting more and more complex as i engage myself more into...
anykindofhopeyousay?
I look at the bright blue sky and feel one rain on my foot. Just one. Nothing follows. Then i look back and see three other people that hear me out without judging. I smile for a while.
People who see me might think that i’m shallow, staring at a water fountain with awe in my face. People see the water but they do not notice the beauty that sometimes, at certain times of day, shows itself....
rant
i created this so that i can do exactly what the title says.
cause life’s giving me a whole lot of reasons to do just that.
i rant because i am affected.
i am affected because i care.
i am not a drama queen (or king for that matter).
you don’t have to know my gender.
infact you don’t have to know my name.
it doesn’t matter.
NOTHING DOES.